postscript

When you get the chance to see an ex again for the first time in twelve happy months, you don’t run away. You don’t panic either. You calmly go check yourself in any reflective surface and try to look nice. Also, you try to look disinterested. To look disinterested, I generally try to look like a bored senile tiger in a cheap zoo. (My apologies to PETA.)

That last bit about “the look” is the most important, and I tried to remember it that night I saw Ishiguro again in a fast-food joint. He was with a certain person and I was quick to notice that they had two food trays, which means they had ordered separately.

I badly needed to look unruffled despite the knot in my stomach. I was aware that I already looked different—I had outgrown most of the things that Ishiguro liked so much in me. Neither did it help that I was with a group of friends and that most of them knew Ishiguro. Every few seconds, they would burst into song to make fun of me (and themselves).

In the end, my intentions were hopeless. I ended up stealing glances at Ishiguro’s table and I had no doubt that, instead of a bored senile tiger, they thought I looked like a stupid jumpy monkey who wanted to be noticed.

But what I realised then about that night both surprised and reassured me. The realisation would not come until days after, but its stark clarity made me reaffirm my faith in the potency of metaphors. At that moment when I indulged myself in staring shamelessly at Ishiguro, I realised that my interest was not because I have neither forgiven nor forgotten the past. I was not in a cheap zoo. I was in an old museum.

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25 thoughts on “postscript

  1. to see the ex is always a disconcerting experience. but for the most part, i think it depends on the present emotions.but for the most part, i find it hard to appear nonchalant to an ex without equally appearing bitter and attention-deprived. lol.kasi halata ang nagpapapansin, kahit na feeling natin ay breezy ang mga pinapakita natin sa kanya.my solution thus was simple: stop creating exes by stop entering into relationships.it helped. and it still helps. 🙂

  2. Geek, you should finish it! English Patient is still English Patient, but Anil's Ghost is beautiful, too. 🙂Claudiopoi, that was a really simple solution. Often, the simplest ones are the ones I think about the last.You really are back, Max!

  3. For the disinterested look, next time I suggest not looking around hahaha. Channel your Marla Singer who doesn't give a fuck.You feel like you're in an old museum because you were sitting next to an old relic. YJ.

  4. It would have been nice it we could just "flip the gaddamn hair" no? But since I don't have long hair, I just let something else flip… and flop about, lol 😛

  5. A lot of us, wish to have that moment between Uma Thurman and Brian Greenberg with "I wish You Love" playing in the backdrop when two exes meet… but when love ends, bitter partings are never far.Never allow yourself to be consumed by such allusions to your value… and i like museums…hehehehhe

  6. ahahahahahahahakeribells na…. chaka khan naman yung kasama! Char!sino ba yangmga friends mo na hindi ka man lang suportahan at inaasar ka pa?

  7. I remember the first time I ran into my ex. It was on a jeepney, after a night of partying. My hair was in knots, my face was oily, I smelled of beer and cigarettes. I hated myself at that moment. Lol.

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