Andy of Visual Velocity came up recently with his list of Essential Quotes of 2008. And I thought I want to do this year’s. This is quite a taxing endeavor, but I cannot sleep anyway because of all the bloody ruckus from the party down the block. I have omitted the deeply profound and just suck with wisdom from the witty, the funny, and the downright stupid–all organized below into neat months. I have had very little cause to smile these days.
“I always wanted to kill Hitler. I hated him. As a child studying history and looking at documents, I wondered why didn’t someone stand up and try to stop him.” — TOM CRUISE on his new movie Valkyrie.
“We were aware the animal was unpredictable and it is being treated with pills for depression.” — BERNADETTE CHIRAC, wife of former French president Jacques Chirac who was mauled by his pet poodle Sumo.
“You need to know that both Levi and Bristol are working their butts off to be parents and going to school and working at the same time. — Alaska governor SARAH PALIN, leaving phone message at a US gossip magazine after its lurid reporting about her daughter and future son-in-law.
“It’s Gordon … Gordon Ramsay?” — PARIS HILTON, asked to name Britain’s Prime Minister.
“A lot of people are scared of him, not just because of his position but because of his temper. I don’t think he ever had time for la dolce vita.” — CARLA BRUNI on her husband Nicolas Sarkozy.
“I say, Life is hard, move on. If you can’t get over it, it’s ruined.” — ALEC GREVEN, the 9-year-old author of How to Talk to Girls, on being dumped. The young love guru offers romantic advice in his New York Times best-selling book.
“When people think of Tina Turner, they think of the voice, the hair, but mainly the legs. If I don’t get them out, people are disappointed. My legs are still in good shape. They’re still holding me up, they’re still working.” — TINA TURNER on her final world concert tour at 70.
“I promise you, I get it. I will not spend a single penny for the purpose of rewarding a single Wall Street executive.” — US President BARACK OBAMA.
“The Queen ignored me and her husband called me a sponger.” — SIMON COWELL describes an encounter at Britain’s Royal Variety Show. This version of events is denied by Buckingham Palace.
“When you face such an overwhelming challenge as global climate change, it can be daunting – it’s kind of like trying to lose weight.” — US Secretary of State HILLARY CLINTON.
“I wouldn’t mind being resusicated by you.” –SILVIO BERLUSCONI, Italian Prime Miinister, to Dr. Fabiola Carrieri while visiting victoms of recent earthquake.
“They have medicaments. They have hot food. They have shelter for the night. Of course their current lodgings are a bit temporary. But they should see it like a weekend of camping.” — Italian Prime Minister SILVIO BERLUSCONI whose remarks caused offence to earthquake survivors in emergency camps.
“The Pope was never in the Hitler Youth – never never never.” — Vatican spokesman FEDERICO LOMBARDI.
“Are we all going to die oinking?” — English comedian FRANK SKINNER on swine flu.
“What’s up London?” — Britney Spears addressing audience at her show in Manchester.
“I have only two passions: space exploration and hip-hop.” — Astronaut BUZZ ALDRIN, 79, who is producing a single with rapper Snoop Dogg.
“Do you take a shower in a jacket and tie?” — SILVIO BERLUSCONI, Italian Prime Minister, to radio interviewer when quizzed about photos of topless women sunbathing at his Sardinia estate.
The other half of the year next post: George Clooney, Pope Benedict, Karl Lagerfeld, and (gasp) more Silvio Berlusconi. Should you be in possession of quotes more outrageous as any of these, please let me know.